SOMETIMES YA JUST GOTTA LAUGH!
(...otherwise this Internet marketing stuff'll drive ya NUTS!)

Things to Ponder over Your First Cuppa Coffee.....

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is it when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?  (Ark-Hives, get it?)

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How can there be self-help "groups?"

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If cats and dogs didn't have fur, would we still pet them?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, what are Girl Scout cookies made from?

If swimming is good for your shape, why do whales look the way they do?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become dis-Oriented?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "Rush Hour?"

Why do we park on driveways, drive on parkways, and pay toll on freeways?

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.  It spells.....  "NAIVE"

OK.. so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it dis-grunt-led?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?

Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

The more things change, the more they remain....... insane!