SOMETIMES YA JUST GOTTA LAUGH!
(...otherwise this Internet marketing stuff'll drive ya NUTS!)

Who hasn’t heard of Murphy’s Law!?

As I point out in Secrets of the Big Dogs, if you want to be a professional Internet marketer, Murphy’s Law is a Law you need to tattoo on your forehead – IF you want to keep your sanity!

But there are a few corollaries to Murphy’s Law that you may NOT have heard (and may just produce a little chuckle or two…..)

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years.

To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

No matter how fantastic your latest and greatest computer is, you will be able to buy it for half the price in 12 months.

The only program that runs perfectly every time, is a virus.   (PUH-LEZE tell me why this is so!  Why can these dog-gone hackers always get their viruses to work PERFECTLY!??)

The people who say that computers are simple to use are the same people who tell you how to build a watch when you ask what time it is.

Computers let you waste time efficiently .

Just when you get really good with a program, Bill Gates comes out with a new version of Windows.

Internet marketing is like going to Las Vegas:  You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

The First Myth of Guaranteed Overnight Wealth on the Internet - It exists.

And then, of course are the Murphy-like Laws that govern everyday life:

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Zimmerman's Law of Complaints - Nobody notices when things go right.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

Young's Law - All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Nowlan's Truism - An 'acceptable level of unemployment' means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Law of Wisdom - Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power, but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.

Glyme's Formula for Success - The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

New Theory of Relativity - How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.

Von Helsing's Theorem - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Evans's Law - Nothing worth a darn is ever done ‘as a matter of principle.’ (If it’s worth doing, it is done simply because it IS worth doing.  If it’s not worth doing, THEN it's done as a matter of principle.)

Law of Television – If you only managed to watch one episode of a TV series during the regular season, then when re-run season comes along, the first show of that series you see is the only one you’ve seen.

Fred Allen's Motto - I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

Weskimen's Law - There's never time to do it right, but there is always time to do it over.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Professional's Law - Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when you're not.

Nixon's Law - The man who can smile when things go wrong -- has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Runyon's Law - The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's where the smart money is.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!  (Don't agree?  Then you've never had to take your car to a mechanic!)

Knight's Law - Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.

Quigley's Law of Highway Driving - When traveling down the freeway, the first bug to hit a clean windshield will always land directly in front of the driver's face.  (Yeah!  And when one of my wiper blades starts to wear out, why is it ALWAYS the one on the driver's side, and ALWAYS at a place directly in front of my eyes?)

Jones' Motto - Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate.

Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.  (And why does the guy next to me seem to delight in standing there completely nude - and take his T-I-M-E?)

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

Laws of Understanding:

• Life can only be understood with perfect clarity when thinking backwards.  (Unfortunately, it must be lived forwards.)

• No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.

Murray's Consumer Axioms:

• Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

• Never ask a salesman if his is a good price.

• Never play cards with a man named ‘Ace’ or ‘Doc’

  Principles of success:

• Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.  (Trust me on THIS one;  I've had a million of 'em!)

• When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

• Whatever you have done is never a complete failure. It can always serve as a bad example.

• When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

• In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

• It's a simple task to make things complex, but a complex task to make them simple.

• If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.

And the one I like best, and holds the most truth is.....

Murphy was an optimist!